I love when March Madness rolls around and suddenly everyone’s a fucking expert on NCAA Men’s College Basketball. I tell those douche bags to eat shit.

Nothing pisses me off more than some idiot picking a bunch of upsets and when he finally does get one right, acting like he’s some kind of warlock genius from Mars who is totally awesome at picking upsets in college basketball. Fuck those guys.

Now, I watch SportsCenter every night; ask my fiancé, she fucking hates me for it. Not that I’m special or anything, my point is I know which teams are good and which players are sick. Other than that, I don’t really put much extra effort in it. The week leading up to the tournament I may read a couple articles before I sit my ass in front of my laptop and fill out my bracket, just like every other dude on the planet.

My bracket usually takes me about three minutes to fill out because I follow the same basic strategy: I pick the higher seeds. They got that seed for a reason, right? Now don’t get me wrong, I’ll pick a couple upsets, but nothing crazy. You’ll never catch me picking a 12 seed to win it all. This year was no different. I have exactly five upsets, and they are not even that big of upsets.

In case you actually give a shit, here are my upsets: I got Florida State (10) beating Texas A&M (7) in the first round, St. Johns (6) over BYU (3) in the second round, Syracuse (3) over UNC (2) and UCONN (3) over SDSU (2) in the Sweet Sixteen, and Notre Dame (2) over Kansas (1) in the Elite Eight. My Final Four is pretty fucking simple too. I have Ohio State beating Duke, Pittsburgh beating Notre Dame and Ohio State winning it all.

Now like I said, I’m no expert. Shut up, none of you jackass’ are either. If you’ve read my NFL playoff picks, which you probably haven’t so here is a link, you know I suck. (Ah, come on, I finished with an even record) But, these are the picks I went with. Who knows what will happen in the tournament? But if you happen to be one of those fucking tools that picked a 14 seed over a 3 seed because you “had a gut feeling,” I hope today is the day you find out you were adopted, asshole.

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